Archive for the ‘Outsights’ Category

Letter of Recommendation

Saturday, July 9th, 2011

I stumbled upon this letter for recommendation written by Nathan Bible while cleaning up my hard drive.  I doubt he had any idea when he wrote it 3 years ago that it would become a guest article on my blog.

To The Council of Elron:

Craigolas, son of Roberriwin, has demonstrated skill in all aspects of Elven tradition, including, but not limited to, archery, shooting arrows, using a bow, and hand to hand combat (with the use of arrows).  He has shown many times his ability to run swiftly and also stand on snow without sinking in.  His capacity to listen really hard and hear quiet things is impressive.

I worked together with Craigolas when both of us were members of the Fellowship of the Onion Rings.  His determination and fighting skill were apparent when he managed to fight his way out of a crowd of orcs as they attacked one at a time from a
single direction.  I also observed his ability to ride a horse very fast, which was clearly due to his expertise at sitting
on the horse’s back, and had nothing to do with the strength and agility of the horse.

To sum up, my opinion of Craigolas is that his ears are very pointy.

Sincerely,

Nathandolf the Plaid

P.S.  Also he is wicked sexy.

I can’t believe this didn’t get me that job.

The really funny thing is that he probably spent more time working on this parody letter than on the real one.  Although the real one might be funnier.

Ninja Strippers™

Friday, May 6th, 2011

Here is a log entry I started a long time ago (over 2 years), but never finished… until now!

So I have had a million dollar idea – Ninja Strippers™. 

Ninjas, along with Zombies, Pirates, and Dental Hygenists are very popular right now.  I believe the market is perfect for this right now and it is just waiting for someone bold enough to step up and do it. 

There are many advantages to having a Ninja Stripper™ over a traditional, non-Ninja Stripper™ .

  1. You don’t have to let them in.  The last thing anybody wants to do is have to get up and let the stripper in.  You are paying good money for this service, so why can’t the stripper let his/herself in?  With a Ninja Stipper™, the ninja can use stealth and cunning to inflitrate the premises without you having to lift a finger!  In fact, if you do have to lift a finger, the Ninja Stripper™ is honor bound to commit sepuku (dishonorable suicide) and give you a full refund.
  2. Ninjas tend to wear black anyway.  Everybody knows that sexy clothing is black.  It requires no extra effort by the Ninja Stripper™ to be extra sexy.
  3. Cheap.  Because of their grace, quickness, heightened sexual magnetism, and ninja level endurance, Ninja Strippers™ can fulfill more appointments than a normal stripper.  This quanity mixed with quality leads to low prices without sacrificing the happiness of the client.  Plus, you can save those singles for the dollar store, since Ninja Strippers™ move to fast to tip.
  4. No evidence.  Heck, you could pass a lie detector, because if you actually see the ninja, they will have to kill you.  And they can’t leave any sign they have been there.  No more awkward “Whose G-string is this?”  moments. 
  5. You won’t compromise any morals. No need to feel guilty.  It’s not like you saw anything you haven’t already seen… in fact, you won’t see anything at all! (Hopefully, because if you do, the ninjas will have to kill you.)
  6. Surprise factor.  No one will see it coming… or even know it happened!

With a Ninja Stripper™ you will have the satisfaction of knowing that a ninja was there and took their clothes off. 

If you would like to hire a Ninja Stripper™, just give me money, and I will arrange the whole thing.  Note: Due to the nature of ninjas, there is a no refund policy, and if you are not satisfied, well… let’s just say if you want to wake up in the morning, you will not WANT to be disappointed.

As an added bonus, if you hire a Ninja Stripper™, you will automatically get Surprise Ninja Attack™ protection.  Guarunteed to protect you from a  Surprise Ninja Attack™, our you’ll be dead!

The Proof

Sunday, April 5th, 2009

Here is the proof.  He is in fact a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.  Make sure you look closely…

Gonna need a closer look...

Gonna need a closer look...

He sure does look familiar...

He sure does look familiar...

It's CONAN!

It's CONAN!

Okay, okay, I know it really isn’t Conan O’Brien – the nose is all wrong.  But it is fun to look for him while the choir is singing.  I wonder if he ever gets told he looks like Conan…  O’Brien, not the Barbarian/Destroyer/Conquerer/Librarian/Governer

Rumpelstiltskin

Monday, March 30th, 2009

So why does Rumpelstiltskin want a baby anyway?

I wondered if maybe he wanted to sell it on the black market, but he can spin gold from straw for crying outloud.  Who need black market baby money when you can do that?

What are YOUR thoughts?  And please, no historical context explanations, I’m looking for pure unadulterated speculation here.

HUGE Selection

Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
With such a HUGE selection, how could you not find the PERFECT Jeff Bridges item for your sweetheart this Valentine’s day?

Ya know, when I moved to Utah, I was rather disappointed at the lack of Jeff Bridges items in the shopping emporiums.  I was especially dismayed when there was a particular Jeff Bridges item I was lacking for my upcoming dinner party.  You cannot comprehend my excitement when today I found that Yahoo has a HUGE selection of Jeff Bridges items!  Yahoo saves the day again!

Had to share this ad that showed up from the Google Adsense on my page.  I have seen these funny Adsense ads for years now, but this one just seemed a little funnier.  And I am mystified as to what it pulled from my front page that had much anything to do with Jeff Bridges.  The best I can figure is that Mia Farrow is mentioned in the excerpt of my Be Kind Rewind post and they were in The Last Unicorn together, which I mention in the post itself, but not in the excerpt.

But really, what is a Jeff Bridges item?  A lock of hair? An autographed Laserdisc of Starman? Or is it really Dennis Quaid items that they are trying to pass off as Jeff Bridges items?

Discuss.